Eeesh, where to begin?
I would like to preface this preview with a disclaimer that I was unable to watch Wednesday’s match and couldn’t even get it on the radio. After about 15 minutes of trying, I gave up and watched the deeply amusing Merseyside derby. I can’t stand those Scouse Mackems as much as the next Geordie, but my God it must’ve felt good to be the team that squashes your superior rival’s title chances!
Going back to my original point, the observations you are about to read were accumulated through matchday highlights, reports from the papers (including this very zine) and some very colourful tweets. I’m just offering transparency with my sources, as any good journalist would do.
Here’s the findings from my research: I have come to the successful conclusion that we were outplayed, out-sung and outclassed in every way, shape and form. This was certainly not what any of us would’ve expected after the thumping we gave Tottenham eleven days prior. Eleven whole days. Eight whole days’ more rest than Crystal Palace. Can’t put it down to injuries or tiredness; this was just poor quality, primarily due to players out of position, particularly players who’ve ran their course in the team.
There’s a part of me that just doesn’t want to sound like a Negative Nancy, but the up-down nature of this season has completely exhausted me. I would never want to go back to the Ashley Era, but at least I was in full acceptance that we were utterly terrible. It’s the hope that kills you!
Newcastle United Supporters’ Club’s Twitter admin summed up our performance – and our team and our season – very succinctly: ‘consistently inconsistent.’ Therefore, I find myself struggling to write this preview. I thought it would be easy, as I could just dissect our lacklustre performance from Wednesday. However, this isn’t a match report and it would discredit the canny run of form we were previously having with pretty much the same lineup.
I think the best way to delve into this preview would be to start with our opponents: South Yorkshire’s very own Sheffield United. Recently promoted to the Premier League, the Blades have struggled with the demands of the top-flight, as they currently sit rock bottom. Their recent run of form has been incredibly poor, with their last win in 11 games being against other relegation contender Luton Town back in February.
Looking at their form throughout the season, what is remarkable about Sheffield United’s tenure in the Premier League is just how dramatically they have lost games. They currently hold the record for most goals conceded in not just this season, but since the League began, sitting at a whopping 92. I mean, is it any wonder when they’ve have five or more goals scored against them on six separate occasions?
All going well on Saturday means that we will be the team that sends Sheffield United back to the Championship once more. They will have officially become of those ping-pong teams like Norwich and Bournemouth who disappear and reappear from the League every few years. You can almost feel sorry for teams like this, especially in this mind-boggling world of Financial Fair Play (although apparently we’re getting their sporting director). If quality clubs outside the big six can’t improve, what chance does any Championship team have? It would also be a shame to lose a team from Yorkshire, as they are the closest to us, so our travelling fans can be back in the town before the sun sets for once. With that being said…
Good thing Leeds (probably) are coming back up!
Anyways, onto our plucky bunch. This is where I’m scratching my head a bit. The team is still relatively the same – hanging on for dear life – but with the small boost of having Callum Wilson back and Tino Livramento in seemingly full recovery (or maybe not, depending on how much you believe Eddie’s comments). However, the team selection is a baffling one. Playing Krafth and Murphy? Just because it worked for one game doesn’t mean it will work for another, especially considering there were not one, but two defenders sat on the bench twiddling their thumbs. I understand they are both a bit knocked by injury, but we’re playing with scraps here so we might as well fling them onto the pitch!
I imagine, going off trying to decipher Eddie Howe’s strange tactics, that because the upcoming game is against a relegation side, he’ll probably give Hall a starting run out. It seems as though we all just keep telling ourselves that he sees something we all don’t, especially when we win because then I start to think he’s the Lisan Al Gaib (for those who have seen Dune Two). Apart from him for Krafth, I would say the same team.
Now, despite how bad we were on Wednesday, I think we’ll be alright on Saturday. We’re Newcastle and we do things the hard way and we are going to limp across the finish line in May, but miraculously I think we’ll get into Europe. But, what do I know? This is my last preview of the season and definitely my trickiest one. I received one football writing award nomination and it’s completely gone to my head!
Prediction? Read the first letter of each paragraph.
HWTL and see you next season.
Grace Laidler @gracewillhuntin
