All fixtures here.
Well, just like last season we start the season facing Manchester City but only this time we face the Champions at St James’ Park. Certain defeat and I’d estimate by the standard minimum 3 goal margin. The following week we are away at Vile Park for what might be a winnable game, but you never know. We have Palace on the last weekend of August and ordinarily you would expect United to beat Pulis’ side but the former Stoke manager has infused his side with some spirit and of course Pardew hasn’t.
The first derby game of the season is quite late on the 20th of December and strangely enough it is at St James’ Park. If Pardew is the manager for this game (and I have my doubts he’ll last that long) a win is not only expected but demanded. Pardew will be invited to take a midnight jump off the Tyne Bridge if there is a another defeat. The return fixture is the 4/Apr/15.
CHRISTMAS / NEW YEAR
Its Boxing Day, so naturally, we are away from home. This time we will be breathing in those turkey farts at Old Trafford where we will face certain defeat to Van Gall’s men. We’ve got Everton on the 28th of December and given how the Toffees murdered us home and away last season this one could be a bit of a dampener in the party season. Staggerringly we are at home on 1/Jan/15 and we face Burnley at St James’ Park. We demand a win.
Our last five games are generous as we face Swansea (h), Leicester (a), West Brom (h), QPR (a) and West Ham (h) in the run-in. As we expect we’ll be looking over our shoulders for most of the season, this could be helpful. Or disastrous. Or neither.
Looking at all of the games ahead of United this season we are considering some bets.
Obviously we are looking for the exact moment Alan Pardew will have a nervous breakdown in the dug-out. This may or not be before he has attempted to nut a professional footballer half his age during a game of association football which he notionally has an interest in. It may be after a radge in the Milburn Paddock has performed a throat cutting gesture in his direct line of vision and Pardew can’t hide behind John Carver any longer.
Similarly, we are taking bets on when the Newcastle United manager will call one of his more esteemed managerial colleagues a “fackin old cant” or push a linesman. Or something we can’t repeat due to the potential of legal action.
Whether United will ever clear the first man from a corner, let alone score from a corner, ever come back from being a goal down, go through a game playing just one left-back or make a tactical change that works are all long odds as we look ahead to the new season.
In terms of fan rebellion, we will be looking for the game which will have the first mass walk-out and of course we will continue to speculate just how many fans have chucked their season tickets in and how far from the truth the club’s claim of a 6% reduction actually is.
Obviously, just like you lot, we’re all really looking forward to the new season.
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