In a True remonstrance of his Concerne to all Newcastle United followers My Lord Ashley MarkESmithHath instructed me, his Nieuwe Secretary of Musicke, to compile, threw sources Various and by Means of Free internet browse (free being a Thing that My Lord Ashley findeth Most Felicitous at all times) a Play liste of Songs and Ballades that may enjoynder a state of Goodly Cheer amongst his Wonga-cladde hoste, Cheering them to such an extent that they may be further Tempted to spend freely in his Shoppes and Tavernes that do adjoin Ye Manor of Sportes Directe, (and the playing field housed within, known to some low borne Ignorants as Saint James’ Park). And to Be HEARTY; even if Ye Lads are Bereft of a Goalscorer and the Forewardes are as Limp and as Sheepishe in front of Goal as a Parson sporting a strappe-on banana. AND not to abuse My Lord’s Reeve Pardieuw; even tho this man’s mouth doth Talk as many falsehoods to our Goodly Hoste as the Serpent did to Eve.


This week doth see a Remonstance of True Idiocy; as those Innocent Lambs who have decided to follow the Wonga-cladde travelling entertaynement Troupe known as ‘Ye Lads’ around this Fair Isle (even tho’ it Leadeth to  Ruine and Tears) go to the Royal and Most Posh countie of Hampshire, to a Hunting Ground that has proved Most Barren and Dolorous over many a season; Southampton. Here they will Spende even bigger and more ridiculous amounts of Souvereignes and such silver as they can Muster; as it’s chuffing dear down South. Moreover, they will prepare Their Mortal Souls; and ready their bowels as they will most likely see their team get ripped a new Arsehole, and in a moste painful manner. Though we live in hope. Care must be taken to Subtly and Poignantly abuse My Lord’s Reeve Pardieuw, as his ill-bred Remarkes about Thickos only coming from the North East after our laste Arsehole was so rudely breached here, doth need a metaphorical airing.

Ballades to accompanye the Weary and Long journey home from the field known as St. Mary’s are below. And even tho’ Your Correspondente doth not subscribe to the Papist religion that many Oligarches and Men of Might on Ye Continent do you might as well start praying to St. Mary now.

1. Repetitor – U pravom trenutku

2. Pil Carering – Lazy Crossbones

3. Lee Gamble -Motor System

4. Naive Set – Like That

5. Barmy Army – Psycho & The Wombles of Div. 1

6. Yvette – Radiation

7. Marianne Rosenberg Herz aus Glas –

8. Half Japanese – Our Love

9. Factory Floor – Fall Back

10. Lucy Ironmonger’s Eclectica Mix

Palace – A gentle reminder

Ballades to accompanye ye trashing and dousing in Piss and Vinegar of the Beacon of False Hope following the game of Association football with Crystal Palace in the field adjoininge Ye Manor of Sportes Directe, August 30the at ye three of the clocke.

The weeke previous, Ye Lads did find themselves pitted against a side fron Londoyne, who go by the ftrange name Crystal Palace, whose hoste doth call themselves and their Entertaynement Troupe The Eagles. Your correfpondent can find neither Eagles, nor a Residence that is Knowne to the wider  Publicke as Crystal Palace, the last of such name having been Consumed by Fire in the 1930s. Supporters of a team with no actual Bird that can showeth itself to the Auguries, not a building of said name to House themselves within must be Very Odd Fish. Still, they made a heap of noise and justifiably so given their 3 Goales upon the Greensward, and those couple of close chances that would have put us right in the shitte an’ no mistake Guv’nor. Worse for those of Gentle Demeanour amongste the Wonga clad Hoste, Various Antickes were practised by a Man of Common Appurtenance and Manner Most Foule; namely a Reeve Warnock, whose Two Faced and Pernicious attempts at Ye Banter often fall well short of the fucking mark, Bonny Lads. Your Correspondent Shudders in his Breeches to think of the aftermatch Clash/Banter/Chewng Ye Cudde over Ye Manager’s bottle of Red Whine [sic] between Reeves Pardieuw and Big Nose Warnock; over Ye Lucke of Ye Draw, efpecially over Ye Offside and Ye Two footed tackles and how Ye Wonga-cladde host have a forward line that is blunter than a packet of kiddies’ felt shapes. Onwards to ye Ballades…

1. Gudrun Gut – Simply The Best –

2. Shocking Blue – Send Me A Postcard

3. Grumbling Fur – All The Rays

4. Kelley Stoltz – Kim Chee Taco Man

5. Fuck Buttons – Stalker

6.Jean Michel Jarre – Equinoxe 5

7. Taggy Matcher – Rapper’s Delight (Taggy Matcher Dub Version)

8. Tolouse Low Trax – Vineland

9. Nazz – Open My Eyes

10. Drvg Cvltvre – Dark Clouds Coming







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