In response to some of the extravagant, head-spinning praise lavished on Mike Ashley’s Head Coach, Steve Bruce, we some of the poor saps who watch all Newcastle United’s games and pay for the privilege season after season have decided to launch some new awards, The Brucies.

The Brucies go some way in recognising completely over the top patter going the way of the current puppet in Ashley’s dug-out.

I can exclusively reveal the first winner of the Friends of Steve Bruce Academy Award (auditorium goes silent) 2020, (opens envelope) is …….

Adrian Durham, Talksport. (rapturous applause).

Adrian can’t be here today so please allow me to run through the reasons for the ranting Talksport presenter’s award.

As many of us know, Adrian has been goading the nation’s morons to telephone Talksport’s premium call lines for years and very successful he is at it too.  

Newcastle United supporters will recall fondly Adrian’s lectures as to the brilliance of Alan Pardew’s management at SJP, though spells at Crystal Palace (sacked), West Brom (relegated and sacked) and Den Haag (relegated and sacked) have somewhat diminished the Pardiola magic. But they were great days.

But let’s see why Durham has nabbed the inaugural Brucie award.

Speaking of the Manager of the Year Award, Adrian commented:

“For the record Klopp will win it and should win it. In the conversation about who’s also excelled should be Lampard, Wilder, Nuno and Bruce”.

In response to the comment made by United fan Adrian commented:

Where this hate actually manifests itself is unknown because Bruce himself has commented upon those he meets in social settings who wish him well and the local media covering the club have barely sent a wrong word in his direction.

Then again Adrian was one of a glob of the slack-jawed football commentariat who reckoned we Mags only ever wanted a Geordie manager and wouldn’t accept outsiders only a few years ago. I expect a few heads have dropped off when they have finally tumbled that is not the case. Ah well.

Anyway, the real piece-de-resistance came in the aftermath of the beasting United got at Man City when following supporters questioning the tactics, formation, motivation and substitutions Ashley’s Head Coach was responsible for, Durham responded with this beauty:

 

And for that latter statement, Durham scoops the inaugural Brucie. There is so much to chew over in Durham’s latter comment it is impossible to think of a comprehensive enough response without taking day off work to draft it … so we won’t bother and simply leave it to you to ponder the complete head-banging stupidity of that statement.

Well done, Adrian … I can’t imagine this is the last time you will be up for a Brucie.

Nominations:

Honourable mentions must go to Steve Macmanaman (BT) whose belief in the maxim those who played the game are better qualified to discuss it, took a battering this week (like Newcastle United at City) as he slipped through into a parallel universe where Steve Bruce’s team has scored for fun and played scintillating football as becoming of one of the world’s foremost football thinkers.

There are others of course with the Friends Of Steve Bruce doughtily represented via social media by Luke Edwards (The Telegraph) who skilfully manages to avoid watching Bruce’s team crash and burn despite his role in covering NE football and United being the only team amongst the Big 3 (snigger) in action at the time of their games since the restart.

But there are many others and we will be calling for nominations in the weeks ahead.

After all who wouldn’t wish to recognise the nativist-bias, all-mates-together-preferential reporting that is such a feature of the old boys club comprised of a failed cabal of dinosaur British managers straight out of Athletico Mince central casting?

Please await the future call for nominations.

MICHAEL MARTIN