Although the vast majority of us remain happily content with the direction of the club since the takeover, there are undercurrents of unhappiness amongst the club’s loyal hardcore support at some of United’s operations. These are largely caused by the incompetence, ignorance and off-handedness of middle-management controlling ticketing (and which seems to be an area that doesn’t attract the interest of Darren Eales curiously enough) and shoddy treatment of the rank and file. Is this a portent of the future? TF’s veteran curmudgeon, Big Duke glimpses a dystopian B&W future!

 How is it going for you? This dawning of a golden age, this trip to a promised land: as long as you do not pass your ticket on. The future is bright, there can be no doubt of that. But what future might we see in our fevered dreams.

2028, we’ve still not seen a trophy but match day, at the 63’000 capacity “Saudi@St.James’,” is a cash generating juggernaut. Entry level season tickets are £1250 and the cheapest ballot option is £75. Digital tickets must be authenticated at “Stack” before every game and the stadium gates are shut 60 minutes before kick- off.

This had led pre-season, to a co-ordinated protest from TF, the Trust and Wor Flags, who are all now banned from attending. Ant and Dec’s seats have been gazumped by K.S.I and Logan Paul. And Putin’s first legitimate visit to Britain, after all have given up on ending the wars in the Ukraine and Gaza, will see him honoured with a seat at the bar of Rooftops alongside P.M. Starmer, drowning his sorrows in the last days of Labour’s disastrous first term in power.

Putin has promised that the ‘away ticket‘ guaranteed to anyone who buys two Bellingham cocktails (honouring the newly signed midfielder) will be raffled with all proceeds shared between the North East’s levelling down projects.

The now established Mags Fans TV, hosted by Adam Pearson, has inspired several thousand memes.

It is two years since Eddie Howe’s last game. Jordan Henderson has been in charge for two months.

Riyadh has been awarded that season’s Champions League final. Newcastle United’s game week 12 fixture (Chelsea (a)) will be held in New Jersey. And, when pushed by a journalist, at a recent public appearance at The Mail Foodbank, Prince George said his favourite team was Newcastle.

There are now regular match day flights to and from Riyadh, Moscow, Dublin and Oslo.

Sweet Dreams. 

Big Duke