How shit must you be if “you’ve only scored once”. That would be my general assessment of StokeApril14Stoke City’s performance, having promised my Mam I’d swear less in this report, I may have to hold back on assessing ours.

Now, before going on to the match thank God I’ve woke up this morning and I’m not in Stoke. What a backwards place that is. The whole persona of the town is unaccommodating and time warped. Not letting people into a pub past 2:30 – what the flying fuck is that all about? Every time I’ve came to Stoke and it’s been a 3pm ko I’ve been treated like I was looking for trouble, which like the vast majority our lot I’m most certainly not.

The day started with a breakfast in Manc with a few of Leazes Enders that I sit with before heading back to 1981 and Stoke. Jealously was rife on our train as a load of Wigan were on their way to Wembley for the 3rd time in a year (Not that it really counts but they’ll be there in May n all). Wigan at Wembley Newcastle United at Stoke, that just isn’t right.

Once getting to Stoke we were informed to head to the Terrace bar, which was full of Mags, where our piss poor songbook was sung throughout. Also, I know this seems to be a big sore point amongst our younger lot but why do we have such a massive dick-head element? 16 year old lads acting the big un in the boozer head to toe in e-Bay designer clobber. If I’d acted like that when I was that age I would have got a clip off my old man and rightly fucking so.

On to the match which was another woeful showing from United that lacked desire, skill or tactics. The team lined up in what they’d like to claim was a 3-5-2, God knows what it was but certainly wasn’t that, with Shola and Cisse leading the line. First 20 minutes were dominated by Stoke who hit the post through Crouch. Even Stoke try and play better football than us. How fuck is that clown still in a job?

On to Pardew and throughout the game ‘We Want Pardew Out’ was quite loudly sung, as well as banners held as seen on the box. However, some including one bloke in a Wonga top and tracksuit seemed to think Ashley’s the problem and nobody else could do better. Well I’m sorry but that doesn’t wash with me. This is a man who doesn’t play Ben Arfa or another one of our technically superior players in Marvaeux. He’s played Cisse wide right as much as he has centre forward and most importantly he doesn’t get US.

There’s a lot of debate of who would work for Ashley but I’m confident that we could get someone in. There’s a chap at Wigan who I’d very much like in the hotseat in NE1. I’ve had a vast experience of Pardew having been brought up in Reading, Pardew’s first club, where at first he was seen as a forward thinking coach. That was 12 years ago and the bloke is so ignorant that he hasn’t moved with the times. I feel I’d be right in saying the vast majority want him out.

Back to the game and to be honest fuck all happened. Stoke scored through a cross where Krul should have done better, the bloke looks beyond fed up doesn’t he?

We also had a stonewall penalty shout turned down and Dan Gosling, again anonymous throughout, missed a sitter. In the 2nd half we huffed a lot but created absolutely sweet FA. Anita, someone explain what the lad does please, missed a great chance to equalise late on after a cracking cross from Shola. That was it in terms of football for the day. The players were booed off with Colo moving quicker to get down the tunnel then he had all afternoon. The anger shown in the support shows how many of us will always give a fuck – anyway roll on summer.

Keep the faith and Pardew Out. 

Their Support: Backwards thank fuck I don’t live there.

Our Support: Disillusioned