It was the train on Friday night for me, a few pints with a mate and much discussion about just how bad we are and why. Answers on a Steve Bruce shaped postcard.

Is he a symptom? Should he be doing better with what he’s got? The beautiful thing for the manager is there’s always a next game. Time on the training pitch on that to improve. That’s the idea?

Listening to Bruce post game he paints a dystopian picture of a nightmare Huwai-controlled future where AI controlled robots refuse to do anything than give the opposition the ball and retreat deeper and deeper until they’ve reached the centre of the earth but are still somehow picking up points.

Anyway.

We lined up baffling the same as at Arsenal minus one enforced changed. Bentaleb was weak as piss last week and I’m genuinely shocked Isaac Hayden didn’t get the nod on this one. More bafflingly he picked Lazaro again at wing back. The lad can’t defend. I don’t think he’s ever played in a defensive position.

Excuses are wearing thin in terms of why the players ‘can’t’ do. Bruce signed 5 of the players who started today and the ones he didn’t sign are the better players.

By now you know that pre game somehow Sunderland have more PL goals than Palace this season and they were below us in the league.

Like against Arsenal last week (at the time even on points) it’s disheartening to hear mags make excuses for the horror show served up to them. ‘False position’ etc. ‘Better players’. Aye how come every other PL side this season has gone to the Emirates and lost by one goal? And we turn up, arent shite for the first 20 mins, get embarrassed, and there are ‘positives’.

Everyone’s in a false position around us because we should be bottom.

The game? Jesus-effing-Christ man. We’re so bad. We’re John Carver bad. Maybe worse? I’m embarrassed to pay for this stuff. The mad thing is that literally two hugely fortunate wins has everyone content.

Where’s Andy Carroll? Where’s Jonjo Shelvey? Both are hugely flawed but they make an actual difference to this side that few others do. Why don’t we hear about what’s wrong with them?

Isaac Hayden? Sideways and backwards only but Bentaleb makes him look like Zidane. But then Bentaleb is awful, and I mean awful, but the bigger issues for me is what has happened to Hayden under Bruce? The lad marauding the pitch, winning back possession high up the pitch and looking like the player he’d always threatened to become? Terrible, but Bentaleb put in a performance today like your mate who’s turned up Sunday morning with no sleep and more alcohol than blood in his system. He was Palace’s best player in the first half. Gifting them possession whenever he could. He got booked for kicking the ball away so he could have the second half off. Which he did.

About 20 minutes into this game Joelinton was so bad (shock) that the manager has to put our best player and only threat into his position. It’s mindless. It didn’t work (obviously) and the game was done well before Palace scored a free kick on half time. Where was that in the game plan?

‘Allain I’m afraid Big Joe is so bad and so detrimental to the side (I even said that today in my press conference) that I need you to go and contest the ball with Gary Cahill and their other massive lad. Best of luck. Oh, and I’m going to send Matt Ritchie on who is going to bollock you repeatedly for lack of effort even though you and Almiron are the only players who actually sprint’

Even if it’d been 0 0 at half time we’d have still lost. That’s because we’re fucking garbage.

It’s an insult to us all that the manger insists this is the ‘only way’. How can his boss ask him what’s going on and his response be ‘well, the players are shite and they played with 3 centre backs for half of last season so that’s the only possible option’. It’s just offensive bollocks.

Palace, who are dire, should have won this game 3 or 4 nil. Martin Dubravka has made 4 saves that if they go in, no one complains. They’ve hit the post and missed a free header from 3 yards.

Solid at the back? Not even against Oxford and Rochdale.

Good news for Bruce is we have bad teams to play (lots of them) and if he pulls his finger out of his arse and tries to coach the players, he can save this season and his reputation (I have no doubt his job is absolutely safe even if we go down). There are good footballers here with good experience at this level.

Making noises about changing the style post game just infuriates as he had a League One side at home, and a rock bottom PL side at home, in consecutive weekends and had a real chance to be a manager, and sort the team out not to be as shit as they are. Here we are though.

I told a mate on Friday night that today would be they’d have 7 or 8 golden chances and we’d have none. Roy Hodgson knew that. Our players know that. You know that. It was only one but it wasn’t a fair fight. This isn’t football we’re watching.

Do something about, Bruce.