Firstly, apologies for the tardiness in getting the report on but like a lot of lads and lasses in the North East I’ve had an absolutely stotting hangover today after fully celebrating a magnificent win for United. ‘We made changes from midweek, with Cabaye, Remy, Santon coming in and Shola keeping his place and to a man, the entire first eleven performed superbly as we deservedly beat the title favourites with a stirring second half performance.

There wasn’t really a sign of things to come in the first half which was largely drab and startlingly similar to the first half against Man City in midweek. ‘Chelsea had a lot of possession but looked strangely flat going forwards while we struggle to build up any meaningful periods of superiority. ‘ They went closest when Santon cleared a shot off the line and he had a shaky half, being turned inside on a couple of occasions.

Again, the first ten minutes of the second half followed a similar pattern before a run by Shola in which he steamrollered a couple of their lads aside woke the crowd up. ‘Sissoko came closer, cutting in from the flank to sidefoot the ball inches wide and all of a sudden the momentum swung firmly in our direction. ‘We won a free kick wide and after being called over by Pardew for a quick word in the ear, Cabaye swung over a tremendous cross that Gouffran met head on to put us ahead. ‘Credit to a couple of people that have come in for stick on these pages – Pardew played the game perfectly and whatever he’d whispered to Cabaye definitely worked and I thought Gouffran had his best game for us, grafting his bollocks off and actually looking like a threat.

We didn’t really sit back to preserve our lead and Chelsea didn’t really raise themselves from their malaise. ‘They did come very close when Hazard shot across the face of goal but he was just wide and the fresh legs of Anita and Cisse gave us a bit more zip. ‘I thought Remy was outstanding aswell – he’s a very classy footballer with one of the best first touches I have ever seen at SJP and his hold up play was invaluable as the game wore on.

With five minutes to go, Obertan was introduced for the shattered Gouffran and as the clock ran down, he was involved in the goal that sealed the game for us. ‘Again, Remy showed a tremendous touch from a long ball to instigate the move and as Obertan headed for the corner, he was supported by Anita. ‘The little man skipped over a challenge that could well have led to a penalty before pulling the ball back to Remy. ‘He still had it all to do but swivelled to crack a shot into the bottom corner. ‘A great goal and the ground erupted. ‘They were ragged and defeated and Obertan was put free but well, let’s be honest, he’s absolute dogshit and managed to fall over his feet.

The final whistle brought the jubilant celebrations probably not seen since the last time we played them in February. ‘This match had parallels to that afternoon – Sissoko was absolutely brilliant again and shaded man of the match for me and the sense of team spirit pulled us through to a fine three points. ‘There’s not many more satisfying sights in football then those twats trudging off with tails between legs with only a six hour drive to look forward to. ‘Magnificent.

This is turning out to be a bit of a mental season really although no-one saw this coming – I noticed a few lads walking away from the ground visibly stunned and the mood in the pub afterwards was a mixture of joy and absolute disbelief. ‘With all that in mind though, we’re as likely to get beat 6-0 at Spurs as we are to emulate West Ham and come away with a comfortable win from the moribund Lane (AVB’s words, not mine, Partridge fans). ‘We’ll enjoy this one while it lasts though and my liver will be grateful that days like these don’t come around that often.

Keep the Faith

Newcastle United – Tim Krul 7, Matthieu Debuchy 8, Mike Williamson 8, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa 8, Davide Santon 6, Moussa SISSOKO 9, Yohan Cabaye 8, Chieck Tiote 8 (Vurnon Anita 8), Yohan Gouffran 9 (Gabriel Obertan n/a), Shola Ameobi 7 (Papiss Cisse 7), Loic Remy 9

Ref – Mason – 7 – No real issues, handled it well

Our Fans – 8 – I love SJP when it’s like that – the last half hour was quality

Their Fans – 6 – Good numbers, noisy-ish, set of absolute wankers.

Gareth Harrison’