Apologies in advance, but this is going to be a rant rather than a match report.

Brighton’s last three home wins came across three calendar years. Of course, Steve Bruce’s Newcastle United go there and decide not to play a striker for THE ENTIRE 93 MINUTES and capitulate to an utterly humiliating 3-0 defeat. 3-0 against a team that have only won once at home all season before tonight. 3-0 against a team that have only won 3-0 in the premier league twice before tonight (one of which was against us, of course).

I’m not going to waste your time talking about that shower we’ve just endured. It was a disgrace and probably the worst performance of the Bruce era. There have been some other absolute stinkers under this fraud of a manager but this one takes the fucking biscuit. We’ve all had enough of your shite Steve – fuck off and take the rest of the staff with you. You’re not fit for the job and you embarrass us all.

Everything about tonight was an absolute disaster. The line up was a joke – no striker, same mental formation that has only “worked” once against an Everton side who have lost multiple times at home since against poor sides. A formation that was brought in by a new coach when the gloves came off and for some utterly insane reason we’ve stuck to ever since. A formation that means we have no strikers, no threat, no possession and no control in the game, and means we’re playing loads of players out of position. A formation that we’ve stuck to even when going one, two and then three goals behind tonight.

Bringing on Hendrick for Hayden was a joke. He offers absolutely nothing on the pitch at all. He is a waste of a shirt and it was a waste of a chance to mix it up and try to get back in the game. Murphy should have started but bringing him on for Almiron instead of a striker is just totally pointless. Joelinton moved central in the latter stages of the first half but we emerged for the second with him back on the right. Why? What was the plan? Why did you change it back Steve, when it wasn’t working the first time?

Then he brings on Sean Longstaff. 3-0 down in a must win game and you bring on a midfielder with the last sub – no strikers on the pitch. We’re actually going to play the entire game, having been chasing the game for 47 minutes, without a striker? What is happening here? How is it allowed? How can the manager of a Premier League football club, who is being paid millions of pounds a year, do something so utterly stupid? I described that decision earlier as an insult to the game of football and I actually don’t think that is a strong enough criticism.

It was a pathetic performance from a side that is going to be relegated. The players know it and played like they knew it. There was no fight, desire or passion. No drive to get back in to the game. No pressure on Brighton anywhere on the pitch at any time in the game. We created virtually no chances, barely even had the ball in their half. We travelled today playing for a point at best and when we conceded the game was over. We’ve not won after conceding first since December 2019 (and since then have conceded first 24 times, a terrible stat in its’ own right) and had no chance of getting back into the game tonight.

The manager has lost the dressing room, obviously. That performance tonight shows that completely. The players have stopped trying and, of course, deserve a lot of criticism for tonight. But the main problem, and the problem that we can solve immediately, is the manager. Norman described Jones and Bruce talking over each other as the camera panned to them on the side line as two drunks shouting at a broken jukebox asking it to play different songs. That’s where we are – a rudderless ship with a captain and officers, none of whom have the faintest clue what they’re doing, arguing with each other about the best way to be slightly less shit. The whole lot of them must go, immediately, and get a new manager in to start work on Monday morning. Even that might not be enough to stop the rot of 2 wins in 20 in time to save our PL status, but anything less confirms a relegation which our manager and owner thoroughly deserve for being as absolutely shit as they could possibly be at their jobs.

Special shout out to the dreary arse hole commentators who made a terrible game much worse with their miserable, dreary mutterings that offered nothing remotely insightful about the game, while continually reminding the nation that we as a fanbase demand entertaining football (and we’d be happier than this if we were in the bottom three as long as the football was better). Lies – drivel spouted by the national press that is a lazy stereotype used to mask the massive shortcomings of their pal Steve. I’m sick of them all (Humphrey aside) and if I bother to watch any more of our games this season I’ll watch them on mute.

@mmmiiiccckkkyyy