So, with our cracking run of results now disappearing over hills, our next test is West Ham CarrollWestHamUnited at The Boleyn Ground. This venue has proved a sticky wicket for United down the years, with the occasional win making the long return home more bearable.

Standing in our way this time is Baron Silas Greenback, with his gob stuffed with chewing gum, talking absolute shit about astrophysics, just waiting to wear a smug, grin whenever he wins. Andy Carroll will also stand in our way, and depending on which version of events you believe, he is either a victim of Ashley’s desire to bank cash or, a greedy, Judas, money grabbing, cunt. The truth is probably a little from column A and a little from column B.

Pardew could do with a win. Next up after this is Norwich, lose these 2 and few would be comfortable having him send the troops out for the Derby game, going in off the back of 6 straight defeats. It’s highly unlikely he’ll retain his position if he managed to make it 7 straight defeats.

When the big headed, tubby, prick, hosed over £20m on the crocked ex Mag and Liverpool striker, Stewart Downing, Adrian and some defender, hilariously named, Rat, he probably wouldn’t have expected to find his side struggling at the bottom. But they’ve only won 2 out of 10 league games at The Boleyn. Those wins came vs. Cardiff (2-0) and Fulham (3-0) and they’ve drawn with Sunderland (0-0), Villa (0-0) and WBA (3-3). They’ve been turned over by, Chelsea (3-0), Arsenal (3-1), Man City (3-1), Everton (3-2) and Stoke (1-0).

Ravel Morrison is their top scorer with 5 goals whilst Carlton Cole has 4.

Vaz Te and Reid are long term injuries whilst doubtful for Saturday are Collins, O’Brien, Demel and Morrison. Nolan and Tompkins are suspended.

Team News

This will be Debuchy’s final game of his suspension, whilst Coloccini is still sidelined.

I was most surprised to see Gosling on the bench last weekend. I’m not entirely sure that this is a positive step.

The back 4 will again have to patched up, and will probably be, Santon, Taylor, Williamson and either Yanga-Mbiwa or Haidara.

Pardew will need to decide on whether he wants to go with his extra man in midfield or an extra attacker.


Ryan Taylor – Knee – not expected back this year

Coloccini – Knee – 5 weeks


Debuchy – 1 more game

Possible Team (4-2-3-1)

1.Krul: 2. Santon, 5. Williamson, 6. Steven Taylor, 3. Yanga-Mbiwa: 8. Cabaye, 4. Tiote: 7. Sissoko, 10. Anita, 11. Gouffran: 9. Remy


Elliot, Haidara, Marveaux, Shola Ameobi, Ben Arfa, Cisse, Sammy Ameobi

Referee: Andre Marriner

League History at The Boleyn Ground

1984/85 Drew 1-1. We hadn’t won a game since Pedro’s New Year’s Day hat trick vs. The Mackems and we had to settle for a point when Chris Waddle and Paul Allen’s goals shared the points. Attendance, 17,723

1985/86 Lost 8-1. The horror of all horrors! Whitehurst’s goal completely lost amongst the absolute carnage of multiple goalkeeper’s and West Ham players scoring for fun! Attendance, 24,735

1986/87 Drew 1-1 Far more respectable. Neil McDonald (Penalty king) and Mark Ward on target as the season drew to a close and survival was within touching distance. Martin Thomas saving a Tony Cottee penalty. John Anderson was sent off, causing some old fashioned pagga! Attendance, 17,844

1987/88 Lost 2-1. United headed into the Christmas period of matches with a 2-1 defeat. Mirandinha on target for us but Paul Ince and Stewart Robson goals condemned us to defeat. Attendance, 18,679

1988/89 Lost 2-0. United’s away form head been terrible. This continued as Alan Dickens and Ray Stewart sent us home with nowt. Both sides went down. We finished bottom, 9 points short of safety, 7 behind the Hammers. Attendance, 17,765

1989/90 Drew 0-0 United extended their unbeaten run to 8 games with a point. Attendance, 25,892

1990/91 Drew 1-1 A season of mid table mediocrity in the second division drew to a close, but we still had time to squeeze in a few more winless results. Gavin Peacock and Ian Dowie on target. West Ham were promoted, finishing 2nd behind Oldham. Attendance, 24,195

1992/93 Drew 0-0. The Hammers obviously missed us, so returned straight back to Division 2, we played out a goalless draw as we went 4 games without scoring. Both sides would be promoted. West Ham finished 2nd behind us. Attendance, 24,159

1993/94 Won 4-2. As we powered our way to a 3rd place finish, we registered a win at Upton Park. Rob Lee with 2, Andy Cole and Alex Mathie (Super Sub) with the others. Attendance, 23,132

Rob Lee’s goals. 1 min 30

1994/95 Won 3-1. Won again with repeat goals for Rob Lee, Mathie, Steve Potts OG. Attendance, 17,375

Rob Lee’s goal 2 mins 30

1995/96 Lost 2-0. Normal service resumed. Danny Williamson and Tony Cottee with the goals In my opinion, this defeat was the sickener that set off the wobble as we blew the league. Attendance, 23,843

1996/97 Drew 0-0. Another point in the bag as we crept up to steal 2nd and Champion’s League qualification. Attendance, 24,617

1997/98 Won 1-0, an exquisite John Barnes goal won the game for us. This was the next match after the Barcelona win! Attendance, 25,884

1998/99 Lost 2-0. With attention firmly on a FA cup semi final, league games came and went. Di Canio and fucking Paul Kitson on target. Attendance, 25,997.

1999/00 Lost 1-2 Hot on the heals of the FA cup semi final come down, The Irons turned us over. Gary Speed had given us the lead, but Paulo Wanchope hit 2. Attendance, 25,817

Speed’s goal here after 2 mins

2000/01 Lost 1-0. Still scratching for consistency under Robson’s rebuild. Kanoute’s second half winner sent us home empty handed and the great London run without a win continued. Attendance, 26,044

2001/02 Lost 0-3. Having just beaten Man Utd 4-3, we crashed at Upton Park. Hutchison, Di Canio and Kanoute making it a grim afternoon. Attendance, 24,810.


2002/03 Drew 2-2 After Craig Bellamy had given us an early lead, we were indebted to a Jermaine Jenas equaliser to nab us a point after Defoe and Joe Cole had turned the game on it’s head. Attendance, 35,048

2005/06 Won 4-2 Souness somehow managed to string a couple of decent wins together. This result followed a win vs. Arsenal. Michael Owen got 3 and Alan Shearer got 1. Attendance, 34,836

2007/08 Drew 2-2 Fighting back from 2-0 down under Kevin Keegan to claim our last points of the season. Martins and Geremi/McCartney OG earned us the draw after Ashton and Noble had got the home side off to a flyer. Attendance, 34,980

2008/09 Lost 1-3 This season is really best forgotten, but after Keegan’s exit carnage ensued. Chris Hughton stepped forward in an attempt to see us through the turbulence. It didn’t work, we lost 4 in a row, including this one. Owen’s strike was a mere consolation with the game, long since lost. Attendance, 34,743

2010/11 Won 2-1.With Hughton’s side struggling to find consistency, we had to recover from an early Carlton Cole goal to win. Kevin Nolan and Andy Carrol doing the business! Attendance, 34,486

2012/13 Drew 0-0. Many Mags left Upton Park convinced that this point wouldn’t be enough. Gouffran had missed an empty net and Nolan and Carroll had missed sitters too. In the end, it was. Attendance, 34,962

West Ham  Fanzines

Knees Up Mother Brown –

Blowing Bubbles –


Usual stop off around King’s Cross are The Dolphin, Miller’s and O’Neill’s, whilst The Duke of Edinburgh is a favourite near Upton Park.


Carroll to score, us to lose, Fat Sham to be smiling, the media to have hard ons………. After a quick shot of crack, we might get a point