Newcastle United will always let you down, when it really matters…………… There’s no happy endings in the Newcastle United story. Misery and punishment, that’s what we’re about….. Still up for it???? Aye, I thought so, a few more days of depression then we’ll back to kidding ourselves it’s all worth it.

Enough has been said about the derby, we failed once again and as far as I’m concerned, I’d rather trap my bollocks in the zip of my jeans than let Pardew take charge of another fucking derby.

No doubt we’ll be fed lines about “hard work on the training ground,” “licking wounds and going again” and blah, blah, blah, but, it’s all wind and piss isn’t it?  We’ve heard all this shit before.

So, what better to follow our latest embarrassment up with than a trip to Man Utd what will surely be another majorly, brutal, humping in front of millions.

Decent Christmas this……

It’s difficult to decide whether Man Utd are rejuvenated or still under performing, but they’ve only lost once at Old Trafford in the league this season, that was the first game of the season to Swansea (2-1), they drew with Chelsea (1-1) but have won the other 7vs QPR (4-0), West ham (2-1), Everton (2-1), Everton (2-1), Crystal Palace (1-0), Hull (3-0), Stoke (2-1) and Liverpool (3-0).

Robin van Persie has 7 goals, Rooney has 6.

Herrera and Fellaini should return on Boxing Day and so too could Luke Shaw. Rojo, Smalling and Blind should all miss out. They’re free of suspensions

One final bit of advice……… Try and avoid further damaging the name of Newcastle United supporters should you find yourself in  a service station en route to Manchester.

Team News

Honestly, I couldn’t give a flying fuck, absolute let downs, all of them.

Toying with the idea of playing  Alnwick and Woodman to keep the score down and finding places in the XI for A Traffic Cone, A Clapped Out Tractor, Penfold from Danger Mouse and A lamp Post to help out Perez

Seeing as it’s Christmas, you can all practice the words to this fucker instead of signing the SHIT songs

“On the 12^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me

12 Alan Foggon, 11. Jackie Sinclair, 10. Benny Arentoft, 9. Wyn Davies, 8. Bryan Pop Robson, 7. Jimmy Scott, 6. Bobby Moncur, 5. Ollieeeeee Burtonnnnnn, 4. Tommy Gibb, 3. Frank Clark, 2. David Craig and Mcfaul is our goalieeee” – Now get singing that yi fuckaz instead of the absolute shit getting knocked out at the minute.

Referee: Mike Jones

League History at Man Utd

Grim. White socks nonsense.

1984/85 Humped 5-0. Some of the worst defending we can ever have produced! A huge travelling support witnessing an emphatic thrashing! The undoubted highlight being Kevin Carr trying to castrate himself in an attempt to out-psyche Gordon Strachan for his penalty. Attendance was 54,915.

 1985/86 Lost 3-0. Another defeat without scoring, this was our first defeat of the season, with 51,102 in attendance.

1986/87. Lost 4-1. At least we scored this time, in fact we scored twice, the Peter Jackson header was unstoppable, sadly it flew past Martin Thomas for an OG. Darren Jackson with out goal and the white socks beginning to get an inferiority complex. 43,334 inside Old Trafford. Highlights around the 4 minute mark

1987/88 Drew 2-2. Mirandinha’s first goals for the club. An unexpected point as we were in a bad run of form at the time. Attendance 45,137. White socks reprieved!

1988/89 2-0 defeat. Regulation defeat for the already relegated Mags. At least it was the last we seen of Kenny fucking Sansom! Not sure Anth Lormor ever belonged on such a stage. Attendance, 30,379.

1993/94 1-1. “United are back, United are back, hello, hello!” The sexiest of slide rule through balls from Nicky Papavasiliou for Andy Cole to level it up for our first ever point in the Premier League. 41,829. See it 8 minutes in

1994/95 0-2. Our first defeat of the season and it came on October 29^th, just a couple of days after we’d knocked them out of the league cup at SJP. Pallister and Keith Gillespie scored the goals in front of 43,795

1995/96 0-2. This could have/should have been our year, but our away form was letting us down, we bumped into Ferguson’s men who were in clinical mood. Andy Cole scoring against us hurt a lot. Keane finished it off. Christmas ruined by Newcastle United, not for the first time. 42,024

5 mins 10

 1996/97 0-0. Dalglish was in charge and we once again came up short, the 0-0 at West Ham had all but taken us out of the equation, but we’d qualify for the European Champion’s League. Ferdinand came closest to scoring for us with 55,236 inside Old Trafford.

1997/98 1-1. I’ve no idea how it happened, but with our focus drifting towards the FA cup final, Andreas Andersson went on a goal scoring spree (that’s 2 in 2 which was a spree for the useless twat) he’d squeezed us into the lead early on but Beckham equalised!

Beckham’s equaliser around 5 minutes.

 1998/99 0-0. Fuck knows how, but a team that lost at home to West Ham 3-0, went to Man Utd with Paul Dalglish, George Georgiadis and Laurent Charvet in the team and got a point. Attendance was 55,174

 1999/00 1-5 Awful day. This was 5 defeats from our first 6 matches. Cole hit 4. Nick The Greek got his marching orders. Steve Clarke standing in as Manager after the Dreadlocked Duck egg had left United. Attendance, 55,190

The debacle is 12 mins in

 2000/01 0-2 Opening day defeat. Cole hitting the net again, The cunt had burnt his bridges at SJP with his singing on camera and by now, I hated the wanker! His goals against us stung quite a bit. Seeing Shearer and Cort up front was ‘interesting.’ Attendance was 67,477

2001/02 1-3 Not quite a happy New Year. But not disgraced. Attendance 67,646

An hour in

Shearer’s header 13 mins 26

(You might never leave the house again if you click this link)

2002/03 3-5. Best remembered for Shearer’s rocket

2003/04 0-0 a well earned point. Unlucky not to take all 3, Shearer should have had a penalty. With Woodgate at centre half, anything was possible! 67,622

 2004/05 1-2. Still smarting from a cup final roasting we went to Old Trafford with our season in tatters. Darren Ambrose had scored an absolute cracker to put us in front. But Rooney’s volley changed everything. 67,845 See Peter Ramage tee him up brilliantly. 8 mins 20

 2005/06 0-2. 2 for the fat, scouse, wanker! Routine home win. 67,858

2006/07 0-2 Just getting the regulation, Old Trafford defeat out of the way, early on. 2 for Solsjkaer. Albert Luque warming up after our 3^rd substitution had been made……. Aye, it was that sort of time under Roeder. 75,664

2007/08 0-6 It was 0-0 at half time!! Smith red carded for being a tit. Outrageously bad defending. My swearing reached new heights. Do not click this link unless you’re clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels. 75,965

2008/09 1-1 I recall the optimism is me rising up a notch or 2 as the final whistle sounded. It was the last time I felt it. Martins header for us, Gutierrez owning the left wing all night. Mostly downhill from here on. 75,512

2010/11 0-3 Welcome back to the Premier League…… NOT! 75,221 See 2 mins in

2011/12 1-1 With 10 men as Gutierrez walked for 2 yellow cards. Ba equalising from the spot. 75,594

 2012/13 A 2-1 cup defeat and a gut wrenching 4-3 defeat in the league. 75,596

 2013/14 1-0 win……. AT FUCKING LAST. Attendance, 75,223

 Man Utd Fanzines

United We Stand – click here

Red News – click here

Red Issue – click here

Prediction

Man U 8-0 Newcastle United

It remains for me to wish you a Merry Christmas. “All the best”

CHRIS BETTS – Follow Chris on @tfbettsy1892 

 

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