Opposition: Newton Heath Aka Manchester United FC

Facts: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manchester_United_F.C

Unknown fact – In the 1920s their Citeh rivals had to pay for their strips as they couldn’t afford them!

Venue – An eerily quiet St James’ Park

Date / Time: Saturday 17th October 2020 – 8pm kick off

Where to watch – On Pay Per View apparently at a princely cost of £14.95!!!


Firstly, huge kudos to True Faith for their 150th release of their magazine. If you haven’t subscribed, I’d thoroughly recommend you do so post haste.


So this week I am guest previewing to give Nick another week off from his quality wordsmithery and dreadful predictions. This is my first (and probably last) depending on feedback, but sod it, you don’t buy a ticket and all that… I’ve often fancied having a crack as a sports journo. More in the mould of gorgeous George C and less like the mealy mouthed (Ed: and good friend of True Faith) Henry Mauriss admirer.


When I think of Man Utd, a plethora of emotions embrace me. Let the Bruce see the bacon… Usually getting an almighty shoeing at their hands; both home and away. A true giant who’s very name strikes fear into the heart of their opponents. Former greats as Charlton, Law, Best, Cantona, Giggs (plus all those bastards from 96) and more recently Rooney, Ronaldo and their new messiah and all round good egg Rashford (who does a lot of good work for cheridee)


I still have nightmares of that Cantona strike in 96 when we gave them an absolute hiding and Sir Les could have had a hatful if it wasn’t for the goalkeeping performance of the season by that dog from Coronation Street!


We’ve had some memorable tete a tetes with them in recent decades, mainly at the hotbed that is the Cathedral on the hill–  5-0 of course with King Philippe’s glorious fifth, two amazing 4-3ers engineered by great English managerial talents; Sir Robert William Robson CBE, and ahem, Mr Alan Scott Pardew (currently collecting his UB40)  who, despite us being ahead three times, managed to oversee a last minute defeat at OT. And who can forget the dog botherer getting his marching orders for a swing and a miss on big Al back in 2001? – All great memories. Many, many, oh so many defeats are quickly forgotten naturally!

So what of the current crop of Red Devils? Managed by OGS – I will never forgive that swine for scything down Rob Lee when clean through in the last minute (April 1998 for those old enough to remember it) as we were looking for our first league win at Old Trafford since 1974 – There are two schools of thought on OGS – Some think he’s a young, ambitious and forward thinking boss, most are adamant that he’s out of his depth – Personally, I think the latter, but either way, he’ll always be a shitweasel in my eyes.


Of their current employees, they clearly have some talent amongst their ranks in the aforementioned Rashford. Greenwood, who looks a real talent when he isn’t shagging Icelandic models, and Martial, who has the pace to frighten the life out of our pedestrian defence. Fortunately he saw red for tickling Lamela in their latest disaster, a 6-1 pumping at home to the Spuds, so will be sitting this one out.


At the back, I’ve seen milk turn faster – £80m tubby Maguire, Lindelöf/Bailly, Shaw (to be replaced by Alex Telles) OK, Wan-Bissaka has pace, but at £50m, you’d have expected much better output at right back. With the pace of Wilson, ASM and Miggy (if our esteemed leader bothers starting him) this is where we need to get at them.


Their biggest danger is in the form of penalty maestro Bruno Fernandes. The amount of spot kicks that they win is unfathomable, and for the punters amongst us, check the odds on another spot kick being awarded. In Pogba, my personal opinion is that they have the most over-rated player in the world. Yes, he may have won the World Cup. But so did Stephane Guivarch FFS. As for his attitude, I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Oh, and lest I forget the deadline day signing of the alleged “Saudi Mags” target, 33 year old Edinson Cavani, who, I believe, will be quarantined so won’t be making his debut against us. Whether he becomes a Zlatan or a Falcao, only time will tell.

Ok, so how about Brucie’s European chasing Mags? (tongue firmly in cheek)  We’ve heard it for years. The only consistent thing about our beloved club is our Inconsistency. We’ve been saying the same since Noah was ushering his pets onto that big boat a few years ago. Nowt will ever change!


I do think we’ve had an “above average” transfer window, having acquired Messer’s Wilson, Lewis, Fraser and Hendrick (with some back up tat) but it could have been so much better. If only we had an ambitious owner who wanted to see us progress eh? So a 6/10 from me on our summer business. Pity nobody “mouth-watering” became available on deadline day!


Predictions for the game time – As I have learnt from my “Jedi Master” Sir Nick, it’s a tough one to predict. If Olly’s troops turn up then they’ll have too much for us. If we get the small round leather thingy to ASM and he fancies it, then we have a real chance.


So, if I were to put my reputation on the line, I’d go for a splinter in the arse 1-1. I’m just sad there won’t be a full house as this is the one I look forward to most. Well apart from the Mackems, but we won’t be seeing those shithouses for a while.


Howay the lads