Christmas time, Mistlet-howe and whine

The Christmas fixture list is disastrous for Newcastle United.

8 fixtures. 8 chances. 8 maids are milking

Here are my predictions for the upcoming ‘festive’ period



Arsenal (A) Saturday 27th November

With Eddie Howe still missing through Coronavirus, Handsome Jason Tindall takes the reins for the second successive game. If Newcastle are to stay in the Premier League then they’ll have to take a few wins from the better teams and this is the one they will do it.

Arsenal take the lead within the first 16 minutes through an unlikely Ben White goal.

Jonjo Shelvey levels things up with a wonder strike from his own half before a late Joelinton finish sends Newcastle home with the 3 points.


Norwich City (H) Tuesday 30th November

Enter Eddie Howe to an excruciatingly important fixture. No longer the fixture everybody is rubbing their hands together for due to a smart appointment in Dean Smith.

Newcastle have just enough to put this one to bed. Callum Wilson back amongst the goals with a 2 typically smart finishes. Momentum gathers. Elliot Anderson makes an impressive cameo.

Burnley  (H) Saturday 4th December

Newcastle seek revenge for being sold Jeff Hendrick and also being knocked out the cup by a Burnley side who are starting to look like they have just enough to stay up yet again.

Chris Wood will score but a newly installed Jamal Lewis scores a Free Kick to equalize on the 78th minute. Dubravka saves a penalty and what a save it is, just wait till you see it. A disappointing draw.


Leicester City  (A) 12th December


Brendan Rodgers gets sent off. Harvey Barnes puts the hosts ahead. A Vardy penalty makes it two. Eddie doesn’t like being two nil down and sends on Ryan Fraser who immediately halves the deficit. Fabian Schar equalizes with a goal like the one against Burnley a few seasons ago but this time he scores it with his head.


Liverpool (A) 16th December

Liverpool win comfortably 3-0. Newcastle wear the away kit though and everyone enjoys looking at it.


Manchester City  (H) 19th December

Another painfully difficult fixture to endure. Gundogan and Bernardo Silva secure the points. Ba Humbug

Manchester Utd (H) 27th December

The only 2 teams in the Premier league who had all of boxing day without a fixture and thus, plenty of time to play with their new toys. St Maximin performs an incredible run down the right, nutmegging Phil Jones twice which is really impressive as he wasn’t in the squad. Joe Willock finishes the move well and Newcastle secure a hugely important Christmas victory. Ding Dong merrily on Tyne.


Everton (A) 30th December

Newcastle visit the home of popular former manager Rafael Benitez on New Year’s Eve eve. Jordan Pickford has another meltdown and gifts Joelinton the opener before a late Michael Keane header shares the points.


Total Points: 12

Chris Clowes